Leg of Sam?
by jasper03
Summary: John, Dean and Sam need Bobby's help for a hunt. Bobby is unwilling at first, but when he gives in he wishes he hadn't. Lots of fun poked Sam's way and Dean's got a good head on his shoulders. Sam 17, Dean 21 its crack y'all... Review please! Crude humor!


**I really dunno what made me do this. I was talking to my sister about sacrifice *we are both hard-core Supernatural fans so talking about sacrifice is normal for us* and I thought I want to sacrifice one of the boys! Sooo....yeah....Crude humor. cuz u know the boys...**

**Go check out "Hand Tugs and Late Night Hugs" and "My Better Half Makes Me Whole" if you like weechester moments and brotherly fluff.**

**Sam 17, Dean 21 **

**

* * *

**

**Leg of…Sam?**

**By:Jasper03**

Bobby heard the monster default ring of his cell phone. He really considered not picking it up. The damn thing was nothing like his old phone and couldn't figure out how the thing worked. Stupid new-fangled inventions.

"Singer." Bobby nearly growled as he answered the phone.

"Hey Bobby, it's Dean."

Finding no reason to be hostile towards his adoptive nephew, Bobby's tone softened. "Hey Dean. You need something?"

"Yeah, uh…Sam and Dad and I kinda-"

"John's there? Damn it boy! I'm not talkin' to him!"

"You don't have to. Just me. Please Bobby, we need your help."

Bobby considered his options. Help the boy who was practically family or not help and let the boy and his family suffer or lose out on a hunt. He sighed. " Alright Dean. What can I do?"

* * *

Dean knew that his dad and uncle Bobby had gotten into some kind of argument, but he had no idea they were so mad at each other.

"Son, put the phone on speaker so Sam and I can hear." Dean followed his father's command immediately without thought.

After describing their situation to Bobby, they waited while Bobby did a quick search through one of his books.

"Y'all still there?"

A trio of uh-huhs answered. "Good. I had an idea of what you were talking about when you first mentioned it, but I hoped I was wrong so I looked in a book to be positive."

"And?"

"And you need the blood of a virgin."

Immediately Dean and John's eyes wandered to Sam. They always knew they kept Sam around for some reason.

"Why is everyone staring at me?"

Sam obviously hadn't put two and two together. Dean sighed. "Bobby said we need blood of a virgin."

"Good luck finding one. It'd be like trying to find a needle in a haystack."

"What are you talking about? We'll use you."

"But I'm not a virgin." John and Dean stared at Sam once more, this time in disbelief.

"Excuse me? Clueless Winchesters I'm still on the line. Can you have your little moment later?" Bobby rambled on, hoping someone was getting what he was saying. This kind of thing was the reason he didn't talk to John anymore. No one listens in his family. Bull-headed little shits.

Dean's mind was absolutely blown. Yeah Sam had told him he wasn't a virgin, but that didn't mean he believed it. This was his Sammy after all and Sammys didn't have sex.

Sam was getting a little sick of the looks his Dad and brother were giving him, not to mention his personal business was being relayed over the phone to Bobby. Bobby may have had a hand in raising him and Dean, but no way should he be allowed to hear all this.

"Look, we're all men here and I'm pretty sure we've all done the dirty deed so…"

Dean snorted. "Dirty Deed? Man, Sammy I told you not to watch that movie. A loaf of bread doesn't count as a chick!"

"A loaf of…Dean! I've had real honest-to-God sex with a real woman. Do your skin mags scream out your name when-"

"Oh God!" John stumbled back with his hands cradling his head.

"Dad?" The boys called simultaneously.

"I don't need to hear this. I don't need to hear this!" Just when John thought he knew his boys, something like this comes up.

The voice on the phone cleared its throat and spoke up. This conversation was becoming uncomfortable very quick. "So we've all established everyone here is no longer virgins, can we move on? I mean seriously, you need the virgin to be dead first."

John looked up to the phone in his oldest sons hand. "What was that Singer?" He growled.

"The virgin has to be dead first-"

"You didn't think that was important to mention? Did you think I was going to sacrifice my son?"

Sam didn't know whether to be thrilled his father loved him enough to not sacrifice him or be thoroughly embarrassed about the previous conversation.

"No John, I didn't want you to sacrifice Sam. No one was listening to me. Everyone was too concerned with who's done what where and no one heard me say that the virgin must be dead."

John swiped the phone from Dean's hand and began a yelling match with Bobby. Dean crept toward the door with his keys in hand. He couldn't take all the tension. Once out the door he realized he was being followed.

"Dean? Where are you going?"

Great. Sam. Maybe if Sam was ignored long enough he'd go away.

He should have known better because his giant baby brother had used his freakishly long legs to catch up. Sam must have figured out he was being ignored as well because he began poking Dean's arm like an annoying little sibling.

"Where are we going?"

Dean stopped in his tracks. "We? Who is this 'we' you speak of Sam?"

"Please let me come with you Dean." Dean turned and began walking to his car once more.

"Dean!"

Why did his little brother have to be such a whiny bitch? He turned to his brother who hadn't moved from the spot Dean had left him. Didn't his brother understand the "no tagging along" rule? No, of course he didn't. Dean never left Sam behind.

"Come on Sammy." Sam scampered down the walk like a puppy to his brother.

"Do you know how we are going to pull this hunt off Dean?"

"No. I mean it was one thing thinking we needed a live virgin, but where would we find a dead one?"

Sam considered where they could find one. A hospital maybe? "Do you…never mind…"

"What Sam?"

"Nothing." The body would be frozen. No getting blood from a frozen body.

"Come on Sammy. It might be a good idea."

"I was going to say pick up a body from the freezer department in a hospital."

It took a second for what Sam had said to sink in. Something about what he said struck a bell in his head. Freezer department. Dead. "Dad!"

Sam flinched. His brother had yelled right in his ear.

"Dad!" John came running out of the motel room with the phone still pressed firmly to his ear.

Fatherly concern crossed John's face. "Boys? Are you two okay?"

"Yeah. You got Bobby on the line still?"

"Unfortunately."

"Ask him if the virgin have to be whole." John gave his son a look. Had his boy finally gone off the deep end? He looked to Sam, but apparently he had no idea what was wrong with his brother either.

" Here, give me the phone." John handed the phone to his son.

"Bobby? Does the virgin have to be whole?"

* * *

What was this boy getting at? Whole? "Whaddya mean by "whole" Dean?"

"Well it was something Sam said," Dean started being sure to give credit where it was due, "he said we should get a dead body from the hospital freezer department."

"That's morbid, even for us hunters. Draining an hour dead body. Of an innocent no less."

"Yeah, but see we couldn't do it anyway. They'd be frozen. Really it was the way Sam worded it."

"Freezer Department?"

"Yeah. I think it was in the Bible and it said something like a virgin lamb could be used as a sacrifice. Bobby, what if we used a leg of lamb? They're sold in the frozen meats department."

"Dean…That just might work. The only prerequisite for the blood is that it be from a dead being. Didn't say how much or what creature…good work!"

Dean was secretly beaming. "Thanks Bobby, for everything."

"Boy, you and that brother of yours did all the work. Good luck!" The line clicked.

"Well, Sammy you're in luck! We wont have to kill you after all." Dean smirked at his younger brother.

"It only works with virgins."

the older brother slapped a hand on Sam's back and chuckled. "Still can't believe you lost it."

"I'm not a vir-"

"I know Sammy" Dean patted Sam's shoulder and nodded understandingly. "I'm sure he was special. I hope he was gentle with you or I might have to beat him up."

"He?! Dean! You're such a jerk!"

"You're still a bitch!"

"Dean!" Dean took off running. Sam had longer legs but Dean was faster.

"How'd he like his leg of Sam?"

"Dean!"

John watched his boys chase each other around the parking lot. They'll never grow up.

* * *

**Like I said up top, I dunno really where this came from... The Dirty Deeds is a movie and I'm almost positive Dean has seen it. **

**I'm pretty sure lambs were used as sacrifices in the Bible, but I never liked those stories. Lets face it, a whale eating a man and spitting him back up sounds better than Dear Heavenly Father, I have sacrificed Lamb Chop today. Sherry wasn't happy and Charlie Horse and Hush Puppy are on strike. Will hunt the feared Snuggle bear next week. Yours truly, (insert ridiculously long name here) Actually that was amusing.... Please review.... I know its absolute horse-crap but its fun horse-crap. :):)**


End file.
